The rabbit holes of self development can be never ending.
It starts with becoming an observer of yourself, discerning the human from the soul, but soon you will feel called to integrating it all into how you show up in the world.
While meditation and spiritual connection creates the framework for the person you want to be, you have to also create a structure for the person you are showing up as in the moment and an important step within that is often about removing what’s not you to discover what is.
Michelangelo had a famous quote about sculpting the famous David:
“I created a vision of David in my mind and simply carved away everything that was not David.”
It’s the same in self development;
in order to truly build upon the observer self and the version of yourself that shows up every day, it’s important to do the same thing…
Let’s remove what’s not you before truly soaking up what is!
Often what’s not yours shows up as “shoulds”.
These implied steps of duty or enforced responsibilities are often common sense, but when they become heavy with guilt they become straws to our core essence that seem to suck us dry.
The sticky thing about “shoulds” is they are often so practiced over the years of your life, that they become part of you.
Yet, rather than flowing directly from your heart, they are actually just practiced beliefs which have carved a presence in your subconscious. They are there because you were taught them, but often they leave you feeling tired, scattered or unlike yourself.
So, what are the shoulds that haunt you?
While there’s a number of ways to identify these, this is my favorite practice:
There are three types of shoulds to consider:
The Societal Should: Those pesky little “good citizen” duties that are mainly common sense, but often become guilt ridden when you accidentally don’t get a chance to vote, or you eat GMO, or perhaps you accidentally dropped a piece of litter. Maybe you feel you should take care of elderly parents, even if it was a toxic relationship. There’s a tendency for these shoulds to become too overbearing, especially these days, when people are “canceled” for expressing different beliefs.
What does society tell you you have to do that feels off to you?
What do you practice within society that you feel you have to leave part of yourself aside?
There’s no risk in the simple acknowledgment of how you feel. You aren’t breaking any rules by diving within and exploring what you feel pressured to feel guilty about.
What are your shoulds that you’ve been told are musts?
Then there’s the Inherited shoulds;
From how you should keep your house or how to take care of your children, or whether you brush your teeth in the morning, evening or both all the way to feeling guilty if you don’t keep up a Christmas tradition. Your upbringing lays a foundation for a range of shoulds which (spoiler alert) you are allowed to decide don’t match your integral self.
It can feel heavy to carry the beliefs and shoulds your family has offered you, and yet for some reason it can feel like you are letting others down when you don’t follow through with them.
But here’s the thing: You are your own person. Your family was a launching pad for your life choices. They provided you with a platform, a lens to see life through, but you are always allowed to pick up another lens
So… what shoulds have been passed down that you can now let go of?
And then…
There’s your Inner Callings.
Inner Callings are your integral shoulds.
They are the nudges that come from your heart, your deepest sense of yourself, that you always feel a little empty if you don’t follow through. It’s the intuitive nudge to drop by a friend’s house with flowers, or the urge to help out the homeless guy on the corner. Maybe you feel like making a scavenger hunt for your kids, but stop yourself because you get told they will start to expect it, or you feel like staying in bed longer for your mental health, but are told you are being lazy.
The truth is… the Inner callings are the only shoulds that matter.
Your truth. Your nudges. Your intuition.
Did you get triggered?
It’s understandable.
We are often told that if everyone just did what they felt like it would lead to anarchy.
However, there’s a difference between just “doing what you like” and inner callings.
An Inner Calling is a deep knowing from a connected space.
A heart centred, intuitively led, nudge will never be to rob a bank or hurt someone else.
Rather, you are more likely to have an inner calling to drive within the speed limit to take care of others than because society says you “should”.
Think about it.
So, what’s the trick after all of this?
Plug in to your inner self. Ground within yourself and take care of you.
And then listen to your heart.
What is it nudging you to do?
What happens if that is the priority list?
What feels light? What feels flowing? What feels loving?
Your soul speaks through your heart and your heart is asking you to listen.